Friday, April 8, 2011

Nothings right

  So yesterday I got home from work at 8 after working a 36 hour shift, I was tired so layed down for a nap.  At 8:45 my phone was ringing and I seen it was School, I answered and it was Cayden.  He says Mom I need you to bring me a new pair of socks these socks are bothering me and I cant do my work.  I told him to take his socks off for now until I could get there with some new ones.  Long story short, Cayden has always had to have his socks just right, the seam of the sock needs to run perfect along the front of his toes.  So I slept for a little while then got up and brought him some new socks.  The school I think thought I was crazy that I was bringing him a new pair of socks, this relates back to my first post where I said no one understands.  After explaining to them that he has a major OCD problem when it comes to his toes, to the point where if we are walking and he can feel a fuzzy off his socks between his toes he stops to take it out, they stated that they didnt realize that.   He also had on a Polo shirt yesterday and for some reason yesterday did not like his shirt, from what I could get out of him I think he felt to exposed, he didnt like that the buttons came down in the front and people could see part of his chest. As my title states yesterday nothing was right for my poor little man. 

   I had a friend tell me today that she was at a class yesterday and they touched on Autism, and she told me that as much as she talks to me and I tell her over and over again she still doesnt understand what I go through everyday and that she probably never will.  Again no one understands, people can say they undersatand and pretend to understand but NO ONE will fully understand until they have walked in these shoes.  People are always quick to judge but these are the same people that I secretly despise because their lives really seem so simple compared to what we go through everyday.  Some people take what they have for granted and I would give anything for Cayden to be able to live a simple life like that.  I love my son to death and wouldn't trade him for the world, he is my everything.  Cayden is going with his Dad tonight, he goes to his Dads every other weekend, so for them 4 days a month, I really can say, I am lost.  I am lost because I have so much free time and me time that I dont usually get that I dont know what to do with myself 3/4 of the time, I walk around in a daze and miss him like crazy.  I worry about him constant when he is not with me because I really dont even believe that his Dads family understands because they dont live it but 4 days a months, pretending to understand doesnt work. 
Thats all for now. 

Thanks for reading, one proud Momma

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